oh, there it is.

I haven't spoken for a while.
I've been trying to deal with things.
Sometimes it's hard, but other times it's easy.
Mostly hard.

Enjoy..

Ahh

she awoke at the sound of a running shower. the sunlight beaming through the window it almost blinds her.

she sits up, dizzy for a minute, looks around the room and finds the ticking peach coloured clock sitting on a dresser across the room. It's 9am. Her head feels heavy and her feet ache from walking all night long.

Her eyes feel tired and are blood shot from lack of sleep.

She stands up and walks toward the mirror sitting on her desk beside her bed, she's not impressed with her image. Opening the bedroom door and heading out into the hallway down toward to lounge room is just one of her daily punishments she does to herself. Nobody is home except her dog, who is sleeping on the arm chair, and her mother who is in the shower. This girl turns toward the kitchen in need of a glass of water to quench the undying thirst or her dry mouth. The shower stops. The girl races to the lounge room and turns the tv on, just to be safe from all sorts of conversation that will no doubt come.

The girls mother appears in the door of the hallway. The mother looks at her daughter with pure carelessness and walks away. "Court's coming up you know, you better have a good lawyer, i'm not having you live in my house anymore", says the mother. "But mum, i don't know why you're doing this to me, i did nothing wrong!", the girl starts crying, she can't understand why her mother is doing this to her. 

 

"Why don't you cover that up some how" says the mother. The girl turns around to see her reflection in the glass cabinet, she see's a bruise across her left eye from the night before. "No makeup will cover it mum", says the girl. "I don't like evidence staring me in the face all of the time, this is why i want you gone" says the mother, fiercely.   "You did this to me".

.

I hate my mother.

I wrote a poem :)

Haven't wrote one of these in ages, a poem that is.
And now that i think about it, i haven't written a blog in a while too.

Today was a day
like any other.
Wake up at 8 am, and
have an argument
with her mother.

Go to school, and
be ignored by her friends.
watch time go by
at lunchtime, and
reject all the trends.

Teacher's yelling and
cursing all day long.
The students don't know
what they did wrong.

Have her self-esteem
crushed to the ground.
Her hopes and her dreams,
are nowhere to be found.

Come home to an
abusive and negative family.
Her only wish is to leave,
to fly away.

20 may 2010

One more day to go tay.
I'm going to miss you oh so much.
You've always been there through thick and thin.
Even when we were fighting you were still there if i needed you.
Your still going to be there, but only verbally, via phone or internet.

Tayla Marie Hall

Wednesday, 19th May 2010.

My tayla is moving on friday.  :(
She's moving to Melbourne, 12 hours away south.
We've known each other for 10 years and she's leaving me!
I miss her already and she's sitting next to me. This sucks so much.

Tay have had our up's and down's but in the end we always end up figuring things out.
She's my cheese to my macaroni :)
Sure i'll speak to her about everyday, but life still won't be the same.
I remember in year 2 when we used to draw on each others books and then i'd get in trouble for it.
And when we made a video of me skating down a hill and crashing into a for sale sign.
So many memories that we've had, the best.
There will be more to come :)
I misssss you tay.
xoxoxoxoxo <3

Waste of a night.

6:30; Tom picked me up from my house.

Went and got two bags of goon.

7:00; Went and picked the other kid up, went and got kiddy drinks for him.

Went to Tim's house.

9:30; Went to Lealzy's failed party.

Observed and comentated everything that was happening.

Met two guys, they are now my friends.

So far, A boy and a girl broke up because she cheated on him.

Another boy and a girl were arguing because the boy was ignoring her.

Some former friends appeared, then left again. Thankfully.

Some awesome dude friends of mine showed up, thankfully.

Then they left because the "party" was such a failure.

Then me and tom and chris left, ran into rosa and smackey.

They fooled around for a bit on the side of the road.

Encountered a fight further up, pretty slop.

Then went home and watched porn and went to bed.

And ate a mars bar. Yummy!

So, all in all...I'd say i had a pretty shitty night.

And i got mildly abused.

Via txt.

Dan's 19th Party. Friday.

It was enjoyable for a while.
The fights started.
So tim wanted everybody to leave.
So then i got heaps rude to everybody and told them all to fuck off.
they didn't listen of course.
Then everyone just disappeared.
Everybody ate all of Tim's food and threw up everywhere and smashed glass's everywhere and littered... everywhere.
I saw everybody who i wanted to see.
Somebody stole dan's ipod and camera, give it back you fool.
I devoured 1 and a quarter bottles of midori, i don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing :/
But everyone was super smashed.
Especially Ty Chittick, also known as (since the party)  chunderguts chittick.

Can't sleep.

It's just about 2 am and I can't sleep.
Knowing that I'm going to be seeing my best friend next weekend just...
I can't put it into words.
Only thing is, she hates me. I do know why, and it's a good reason too. I just wish it didn't have to be like this.
I haven't seen her in months due to our falling out, and I'm imagining all these scary scenario's of what might, or can happen when we do reunite.
But i can tell you now, it won't be a very happy reunion.
If i could change one thing in my life, it would be to change that moment that changed our lives forever.
I've had nightmares for months about it, and there isn't a day that goes by where i don't think about it.
It was my mistake, and i would do anything and everything to do whatever it takes to patch our friendship up.
She means that much to me. I don't know what to do.

Art Project.

Attempting to paint this picture of Audrey Hepburn using acrylics.
Don't know if i should do black and white or colour though :/

8:22pm

If you were the melody, and I were the beat.

If I were the melody, and you were the beat.

Those three words, say it and I'm yours. 

I'm yours if you say those three words.

That's all I needed to hear.

Today, I learned how something can travel at the speed of light.

Its by the voices of other people, and their ears.

I also learned that there are two sides to a select group of people.

One side being "I hate you heaps and heaps i just tell everybody else and not you"

The other being "You're my best friend i love you."

There are two kinds of people, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe.

I also learned that my coach hates me for trying.

Gagg #1

She walked through the tall cold iron gates of her high school. Down the chipped concrete steps, pasted the brick orange buildings towards the cola where she met her friends. Every single one of them turned to face her, staring her up and down. She tried to imagine what they were thinking, but all that came to her was "fat". She set her bag down at the silver table filled with girls. Headed towards the girls bathroom she passed a teacher, he looked at her in horror. When she reached the toilets she checked to make sure each cubical was empty. She chose the very end toilet and locked herself in. The graphiti on the cubical walls made her feel dirty. She put her right hand into her mouth and began thrusting and gagging until finally she threw up. There was a knock on the door, "Sam, are you okay?" said the voice. Sam coughed, "Yeah I'm fine". Sam flushed the toilet and emerged to find her best friend Cali standing at the sink with a worried look on her face. "I'm really fine, Cali. What's up?" Sam reassured her best friend. "It's just that... some of the girls are concerned about you" said Cali. "What, why would they be? I'm perfectly fine" Sam asked in a guilty manner. Cali didn't say another word, she turned around and walked out. Sam washed her hands and her mouth out to get rid of the smell. She looked at herself in the mirror. To her she could see rolls of fat along her neck line, she had thunder thighs, no ankles, and she was a fridge. But in reality, everytime she walked, bone would show through her skin.

Her hair was thinned out and falling out. Her front teeth were stained yellow and chipped. Both of her hands had grazes lining the knuckles. Her cheek bones stood out to the core. Her legs and arms were dangerously thin. Yet, despite all of this obvious tragedy, nobody had done a thing to try and stop it. She was dying. Her blue eye-circles and pale skin make that only half obvious, the rest was clear itself.

She led a common life, like a common person would commonly do. If it weren't for that one day when her brother said she was fat, and she just happened to be reading a magazine that said "models stay thin my throwing up", she may not have come to the result of turning into a bulimic wreck. She went on the internet to get guides on how to do it. She gradually started getting into throwing up after every second meal, then it turned into every meal. As soon as she realized that she was rapidly losing weight, she kept doing it. She stopped eating altogether at one point, but her parents were too suspicious. She only ever received a compliment for her cheekbones standing out more. But soon those stopped. The bulimia stopped for a while too, only because she started throwing up blood. But as soon as she gained a kilo, it was back to her bulimic ways.

Bulimia is a mind disorder and it takes over your mind. Well this took over Sam's mind, it down to even looking at food and she'd go and throw up. She knew what was happening, but she didn't want to stop. Others started to notice the rapid weight loss, but they thought she was just growing or losing baby fat.

Chpt. 2

Shameous and I looked around, hoping to find a sign of movement, or even life.
We felt around ourselves careful not to fall or trip over any objects, so far nothing. Then we heard a noise, sounding like it was coming from over our right shoulder. The noise sounded like a hiss, or a whisper. Something that caught our attention. We both walked slowly toward to sound. Another hiss, the sound was so close it could have been right in front of us. Shameous put out his hand to try to feel for something. His quick reaction was a flinch back. He felt something alright. "What is it?", I asked anxiously. "It's... fabric, like woolen or cotton", he answered. It was my turn to reach out, but nothing was there. Something grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the direction it was in. "Shameous!", I yelled. He came after me.
Soon we could see a light hanging from the ceiling. More lights were appearing from the ceiling, we were headed down a dark hall way. The floor was wet concrete, it stunk like mold. Rotting. At the end of the hall way was a room, in it was 3 shabby looking doors. In the middle of the room was a tall round table, dark brown, wooden. On the table were 3 sets of keys. I looked beside me, Shameous was there on my left side, on my right side was somebody dressed in all black, only the eyes were showing.

Future.

I stared at the chipped paint, the rusty hinges and paused. This was the place I had been looking for. The faded black numbers on the letterbox and the bent down street sign read exactly the same as what was written on the piece of paper with the address the orphanage had given me. I stepped onto the pavement and proceeded through the rusty iron gate. As I did so, a shadow emerged from the from porch with a hand gun. "What are you doing here, boy?" said the shadow. It was a man. He was roughly shaven with a bald patch in the middle of his head, little grey hairs sprouting like grass stems. I stuttered and froze, staring. "I was given this address... by the town orphanage, could you help me?" I asked. The man looked at me with curious blue-grey eyes. Probably faded from smoking but i was too far away to see. "What's your name, boy?", he took a puff of his cigarette and then put it out with his foot. He must had been interested, he lowered his gun.

"Adam, Adam Cooke", I answered with a tremor. The man looked amazed and surprised. "Come with me", and with that he turned around and walked inside the front door. I followed him willingly. When i got inside he was no longer there. I looked around for him. The furniture looked like it hadn't been touched in 10 years. Everything had gathered thick layers of dust. There was a grandfather clock in one corner of the room, I couldn't tell if it were black or brown from the amount of dust it had on it. But on the face i could make out two pictures. One a man, and the other a woman, looked like they were taken about 20 years ago though. The clocked itself had stopped at 10:00 on the dot. I sneezed.

"I said follow me, stop fussing about". the mans voice was raised a little. I jumped, nearly out of my skin. I quickly followed him down through the hall way toward the back of the house. So many picture frames on the walls. all of the same people from the clock. Some empty. There was one with a baby, though I didn't stop and look. There was no time.

The man lead me out the back to a shed big enough to keep a horse in. This must be his work shed. As he was rustling around in his pockets for the right key he said "By the way... my name's Shameous". Shameous found the key he'd been looking and drove it into the padlock of the shed door. The door swung open. He gestured for me to enter. As the lights were turning on, I noticed a big round looking object in the very centre of the room. It had covering on it so i couldn't tell what it was. Shameous turned to look at me, this time his eyes were worried. He was about to tell me something, and by the look on his face it was either extremely important, or very bad.

"Look, Adam", he paused looking at his feet. "Your parents, they've been missing for 19 years. Nobody knows where they went. But they left this behind." He handed me an envelope which read, "To our dearest Adam Cooke,". I opened the envelope without hesitation and read it in my mind.

"Dear Adam,

We are very sorry we couldn't be there to watch you grow up. But darling you have to understand we were very busy people and something came up. Look for us when you're 20 and you will find us. We love you Adam. Shameous, your brother will help you make the right decisions. And Adam, do hurry.

Love you forever and a dar,

Mum and Dad. xxx"

I kept reading over the letter. Why did they keep saying "were", and Shameous is my brother? Why couldn't they just have taken me with them? I was angry but relieved at the same time. Angry because Shameous lied about not knowing where they were, or are. Also because they left me behind. But relieved because they wanted me, and loved me. And i was 20 years old!

I turned toward Shameous. "What do we do now?" I asked. He didn't answer. He just simply walked over to the round object and took the covering off. He said with anxious expression, "Get in". I followed him into an open door on the side of the object. "What IS this?" I asked. "A time machine. Mum and Dad built it before you were born. The dates already set. I think they did it" he answered. I was stunned. Shameous pressed a button that read "Go". Nothing happened. I took a moment to indulge in my surroundings. Maybe this was it. Goodbye 2000, hello... I read the set date, 3000?

A rumble started to happen. Shameous and I strapped ourselves into the seats situated on the wall. What an experience this was, I wish I could see outside. I wanted to watch the change. But then again I didn't, I felt sick. I didn't know if it was from the news or from the excitement. Either way I wanted to chuck.

The rumbling felt like it went for hours. My cheeks began to hurt, I looked over at Shameous. He looked very serious. Suddenly the rumble stopped. Slowly, unsure of what to do, we unbuckled ourselves from the seat.

Shameous put his hand on the door knob and looked up at me. "Brace yourself". I took a deep breath. He opened the door. We both stepped out onto a concrete feeling floor. It was pitch black. Welcome to the future.